Dirty Queer Fundraising 101

You need money, and you want a bunch of social justice queers to help you throw your fundraiser. Awesome! But, before you begin planning there are a few things you should know. Because your social justice queers might possibly be Dirty Queers, it will help if you expect a few things for your fundraiser. Let’s begin!1. The “Fundraiser,” which hereupon shall be referred to as the “Party,” will be a "House Party."a. The House (referenced in House Party above), aka the Apartment, will not be in Manhattan.b. It might also be:i. Far from the train;ii. Small (aka tiny);iii. House five or more people;iv. And/or be up a lot of stairs.c. House parties are likely to include:i. Music (of the loud variety);ii. Dancing;iii. Alcohol;iv. Illicit substances.2. There will be a Door Fee, or Cover.a. Cover will be sliding scale no one will be turned away for lack of funds.i. (This is because we’re social justice queers, and recognize economic justice as a key to liberation.)3. Attendees are likely to also be a bunch of Dirty Queers. This means they may be:a. Poor;b. Cheap;c. Queer as the day is fag;d. Loud;e. Express themselves in ways that confuse majority society including:i. Language choices;ii. Mannerisms;iii. Clothing or dress (or lack thereof).f. Gender-nonconforming, gender fuckers, or trans.4. The Attendees (which, as mentioned above, are more than likely a bunch of Dirty Queers), are happy to support the event, given that they are provided with activities consistent with a typical “Saturday Night.”5. In reference to points 3a and 3b above, Attendees will likely attend only with the money they hoped to spend on a “Saturday Night”. Fundraising efforts should reflect this and include:a. Alcohol (no alcohol, no Attendees):i. Free drink(s) with Cover;ii. Cash Bar:1. The Bar will be a dining room table or bookshelf.2. The booze:a. As with point 3b, will be cheap.i. Dirty Queers have brand choices, but in a pinch will drink shit.ii. Vodka is cheap.3. The cups will be plastic and they will be red or blue.b. Music:i. Preferably provided by a DJ;1. Dirty Queer DJ’s often work for publicity, free drinks and a car ride home.ii. But you can get away with an iPod plugged into some crap speakers.iii. Should be loud;iv. And have a strong down beat and a quick, driving tempo to facilitate:c. Dancing:i. Dancing can be slow, fast, skilled, rhythmic, uncoordinated, raunchy, goofy.d. A place for smokers to smoke their smoke.i. Many Dirty Queers enjoy vices, especially when compounded. Smoking often accompanies alcohol and other vices.e. “Food”i. This will be light and set unceremoniously on a table.ii. Often some chips in a bowl, maybe some humus, a veggie tray supplied by the roommate who works at Whole Foods, possibly some baked goods if you know someone who likes to do that sort of thing, but can be anything that soaks up booze and isn’t too messy.6. It is absolutely imperative that the Party not start before 9:00 PM.a. Since you are planning an event in New York, know that 9:00 is really 11:00.i. Since you are planning an event including Dirty Queers, know that 11:00 PM is really 1:00 AM.

Follow these simple rules and you're well on your way to a superb fundraiser that squeezes cash out of the Dirty Queers you know and love. Congratulations!*Written in by mr. kate and S. Leigh Thompson, originally published on DirtyQueers.com, 10/6/09